July 21, 2003
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I finally called the psychologist that my psychiatrist wants me to go to for therapy and made my first, initial appointment with her.
I go to see her on this coming Wednesday, July 23rd.
I'm really nervous about it. In all honesty, I'm downright scared about it.
Just the idea that I am going to be talking about my past and opening up wounds that I have kept buried inside for so long scares the living hell out of me and I wonder how I am going to be able to handle it.
I go to see my regular pdoc on Friday too, so that is good. It's like right after seeing her. I think he will be pleased that I finally bit the bullet and went and seen her.
It certainly took me long enough to get the courage up to call her and set the appointment to go!
I was honest with her on the phone too (oh yeah, she answers her own phone!!), and told her that I was scared to death about coming and seeing her. She asked me to just not stand her up and I promised her that I wouldn't and I won't either.
But I'm terrified. What if I can't open up to her? What if I can't bring myself to talk about anything? *sigh* I know I need her help. I know she won't hurt me and that she is there to help. So why in the hell am I so scared?
Comments (2)
Maybe your scared because you have had bad experiences with Pdocs in the past? I know I have.
I think that being to scared to talk about your past pains means that you havent quite let the past go, which could mean that you are still experiencing them today, but in the form of anxiety or depression. When you talk about your past, your taking away the power it has over you to feel scared. Confronting old emotions means that you have accepted them and eventually it wont be so hard to talk about them.
Tania
Maybe you are scared because it's a profound step. Going in the right direction doesn't necessarily mean you won't be scared. Bravery requires some fear, or else it's just foolishness.
How did it go???
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