November 13, 2002

• 
  Happy Birthday Baby, I love you!
  Love,
  Mom

  
  
  
  
  

  My pdoc told me that even though its

  
  

  a down cycle I must do what I

  
  

  do when I'm in a normal phase

  
  

  or at least try.

  
  

   

  
  

  So I try. I got up. I got dressed.

  
  

  I fixed coffee. I fixed a Pepsi.

  
  

  I took my meds. I turned on my

  
  

  email. But then I sat and cried.

  
  

   

  
  

  Today is my baby's birthday.

  
  

  He's 12 years old today and

  
  

  I am determined to give him

  
  

  a NORMAL mom today. He

  
  

  doesn't realize it and I'll never let

  
  

  him know it, but it is

  
  

  the hardest gift that I have

  
  

  ever given. But I am determined.

  
  

  I love him and I am doing it for him.

  
  

   

  
  

  I got dressed today. It was one

  
  

  of the hardest things I have done.

  
  

  I didn't even really get dressed

  
  

  for my appointment yesterday,

  
  

  just wore sweats and a shirt.

  
  

  Today I put on a shirt, jeans and

  
  

  socks. I even fixed my hair

  
  

  the way I normally wear it!

  
  

  I am determined to give

  
  

  him a normal mother today,

  
  

  on his birthday. I sobbed.

  
  

  I'm glad he was at school when

  
  

  I managed to get dressed and

  
  

  do all I had to in order to LOOK

  
  

  like my old, NORMAL self.

  
  

  My husband held me and

  
  

  told me how proud he was of

  
  

  me. I'm glad he understands.

  
  

   

  
  

  I've had R.L. Stine and other books

  
  

  that my son loves hidden since the

  
  

  summer that he gets today for gifts

  
  

  and I'm giving him my CD player that

  
  

  I got for when I thought I was going

  
  

  to get to work. He always wanted it.

  
  

  Today he gets it for his birthday. I

  
  

  hope he likes it.

  
  

   

  
  

  I printed a picture out from my

  
  

  computer and colored it by hand

  
  

  that reads "Happy 12th Birthday

  
  

  Bobby" across the top and has a

  
  

  big bear holding a big heart. In the

  
  

  middle of the heart it says "We love you".

  
  

  Darrin and I have already signed it and

  
  

  I'll get his brothers to sign it as soon as

  
  

  they come home from school. Its something

  
  

  that I already know he'll hang up in his room

  
  

  because he has a tender heart like mine and

  
  

  things like that get to him and he wants them

  
  

  up where he can see them.

  
  

   

  
  

  One more year before my youngest baby is an

  
  

  official teenager. Its sad for me and I always

  
  

  cry on my children's birthdays. Its like I'm losing them

  
  

  just a little bit more.  But Bobby's birthdays are the

  
  

  hardest for me.

  
  

   

  
  

  Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for him and I do

  
  

  my best to keep a happy face on for him. But in

  
  

  private the tears fall as I remember looking at him for the

  
  

  first time, then holding him for the first time. I can still remember

  
  

  what he smelled like then, what his little body felt like next to mine.

  
  

  I remember the first time I looked into his beautiful blue eyes, his first smile,

  
  

  his first giggle, his first step, his first tooth.... so many firsts. So many more

  
  

  to come.

  
  

   

  
  

  The picture above is my baby at the beginning of this school year. He doesn't look much different today, just an inch taller actually. LOL

  
  

  But he is growing in maturity, educationally, emotionally, and in so many other ways so fast.

  
  

   

  
  

  See, this is the baby that is also Bipolar. He is also ADHD. He is living through it and we manage it quite well.

  
  

  Like I said, today he gets a normal mom, no matter how hard I have to work at it, today he WILL have a normal

  
  

  mom to celebrate turning 12 with!

  
  

   

  
  

  Stormy

  • 2:09 pm
  • 5 Comments