August 27, 2002

• Personal entry...

  
  

  Today has been a rough one. I HATE cycling! It drives me up the wall! One moment I'm flying way up there and the next I'm nose diving into the abyss! I will be so glad to get my meds regulated so that all this spinning and diving will just STOP and I can sit there on the even spot for a while!

  
  

  One thing that has really been setting me off lately is noise. Just everyday noise... the TV is the worst one since my computer/office is set up here in the living room and when we moved over here we sold all our TVs but the one here in the living room. Sometimes I just want to take a shotgun and blow the sucker to smitherines!!!

  
  

  I seem to be at my most calm and "even" when it is quiet and no one is around me. I just get highly aggravated when I don't want to be around anyone or any noise and I can't escape from it.

  
  

  I'm so sick of my bedroom that I could "hurl." That is the only place here I have to retreat to when I'm feeling particularly edgy, depressed, manic or WHATEVER.

  
  

  These cats are putting me on the edge too! They're going to the shelter tomorrow and I am NOT going to allow my husband to get away with not taking them... procrastinating even more like he has every frippin' day this week!!!!!!!!!!!

  
  

  I'm also highly ticked off about this crap that he has to go to that unemployment hearing on one of his ex-employees that is trying to get unemployment. I'm more upset by the fact that he is riding over with G. and the fact that he has to "come home and get cleaned up first." He works THIRD shift. HELLO? Doesn't he think the judge would understand that??? *sigh* I know it's just the rage talking tonight but still... I'm UPSET and I want it all to just GO AWAY! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

  
  

  I just feel like screaming my fool head off! I'm highly agitated for no particular reason and I can't get away from that feeling and I don't like it one little bit!

  
  

  I just want to feel NORMAL!!!!!! Gods, how many more days until 9/3? SEVEN?! Shit. I hope I last.

  
  

  Sorry this isn't a more encouraging post, but like I said in the beginning... along with helping and education and information and answering all your questions... it is also the journal of MY personal bipolar journey. It is not a road that is smoothly paved.

  • 9:31 pm
  • 1 Comment