I had a decent therapy session on the 30th. I still can’t believe that she does Saturday appointments.

We talked about the last appointment just for a few minutes and I think she sort of got the hint that I didn’t want to talk about it and she let it go.

She has me working through the book, Courage to Heal, by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis and in this book there are writing exercises. Well, I do the exercises as I come to them and I save them and take them to her. This time she read over, real quick, what I had written and agreed with me that I was mean to my *child within*. So we talked about that for a bit and I’ve just got it in my head that I should have been able to say no and stop the abuse somehow when I was little and so I’m really pissed off at my child within.

We talked about my multiple personality disorder a little bit, not a whole lot but a little and the fact that this exercise of the child within triggered that.

The exercise really sparked off a lot in me and I was honest with her about it and told her about it.

We talked about quite a bit this time.

She wants me to start writing about the things that I can remember happening. I told her they are so horrible though but she said she could handle it. So I guess I will write that stuff out. I already wrote one thing out — when my cousins hung me on the wall in a sleeping bag out in the garage and left me for hours. I don’t know how long I was out there but it was so long that I couldn’t walk when the finally come and got me because of how I had been on my legs. I remember that incident like it happened yesterday! *shudder* I hate places with concrete walls and especially hate garages. It was a seriously messed up situation.

I wonder if it would be cathartic for me to type my things out and share them here too? I was writing them out long hand, but I need to type them because I am going to need to include them in my autobiography anyway since they happened. Right?

Have I ever told you about one of my alters? Her name is DarkWolf. She is a very strong protector if I had to describe her. — I’m learning about my multiple personality disorder. Other personalities are called alters. I have two that I am aware of — that we – my pdoc, my therapist and I have come to know. They are DarkWolf, the strong protector and Chrissy, the child. She is about 6 years old. She won’t tell us her exact age yet.

Anyway, DarkWolf has her own Xanga site and has for quite sometime.

She’s very harsh and brazen. She will tell you right up front that she is a bitch not to be toyed with. I guess she feels that she has to be that way in order to be tough. I guess she has to feel tough in order to be the protector.

Hey, I’m no psychiatrist or psychologist, I’m just applying what I have learned. I can talk to my alters a little here and there. I’m not too comfortable doing it yet, but I have a friend who suffers with the same thing and she is helping me.

I hope you are having a good day. I will talk to you soon.