January 15, 2003

• blueyoohoo asked the following question in his blog today and I thought the best way for me to approach such a complicated question would be for me to answer it here because I can become wordy when it comes to questions such as this.
  
  “How do you best comfort or help someone you know and love who is suffering from depression?  What helps you when you are down, and what are the common things that people do that is absolutely no help?”
  
  Comforting and helping someone who suffers from depression can be hard and can even hurt the person trying to do the comforting and the helping. It can be frustrating and it can make the comforter want to tear their hair out and sometimes even throw thier hands in the air and say “I quit.” But they don’t. They go on with that person because they love them and they want to help them through the pain they see that they are in. They want to help them get through the depression, through the darkness and back into the light again.

  
  

  The supporter (the one who loves the sufferer) listens to the sufferer. They hold them when they need held, they listen the the sufferer yell, scream and cry and TRY to keep in mind that they (the supporter) are not the ones that they (the sufferer) are yelling, screaming and crying AT.

  
  

  The supporter takes care of them when the sufferer has sank into one of the deeper depressions to where they can’t get out of bed except to go to the bathroom. They check on them often, they encourage them to get out of bed but they don’t try to force them. They listen if the sufferer wants to talk. They give a hug if the sufferer will let them. They let the sufferer know they are there for them no matter what.

  
  

  If the one that is suffering the depression has gotten to the point of talking about suicide, the supporter gets that sufferer to a doctor or a hospital somehow. Anyone that starts talking about suicide…. that is an immediate cry for help. I’m not kidding here.

  
  

  Most people trapped in depression have suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, but they don’t voice them. When they start voicing them, that is when the supporter needs to take action. The sufferer may fight against you wanting to call the doctor, hospital or whomever it is that you need to call, but let them fight you on it. Call their therapist, their psychiatrist, the hospital, 911, whomever you need to call in order to save the one you love. Maybe they need to be hospitalized for a few days. Maybe they just need to talk to their therapist or they may just need an adjustment in their medications. The supporter doesn’t know, you just know that your loved one started talking about suicide and that is a sign for you to take action. But during all this, do it gently. Remind the one that you love that you are only doing what you are doing because you love them and you don’t want to see them hurting like this and that you want them to feel better. That when they are hurting you are hurting.

  
  

  Sometimes the depressed person in your life will want to be alone. They will want to isolate themselves to work through their cycles. If they tell you to leave them alone, sometimes you have to do that, but stay close if you can. Remind them you are still there for them, and if possible, hopefully they will just isolate themselves to their room and you can stay in the same house with them. Even if they want to isolate, you still need to check on them and remind them that you are only checking on them because you love and care about them.

  
  

  Another thing supporters can do that is a big thing is to make sure the depressed person gets to their doctor’s appointments. If they don’t have a doctor, try to find one for them and get them to that doctor. Its important for the depressed to be in a doctor’s care for a correct diagnosis, medications and the correct care.

  
  

  I know all this may sound like its a hard thing to do, but when you love someone it’s really not. If you, reading this, have more questions that I didn’t answer or you have personal questions that you want answered, hit my email and send me an email with your question and put your email address in the body of the letter that you want me to email you back at. I will be more then happy to try to help you. Describe what is going on and what your question is and I will try to help.

  
  

  My husband…. he is my hero. I have put him through the mill more times then I care to remember and he has stood fast by my side no matter how bad I have put him through hell. He is one strong man and I don’t know what I would do without him. I probably wouldn’t be here right now without him. As a matter of fact I know I wouldn’t have. I would have died back in 1984 and a more times then that since then.
  
  If you have someone you love that is clinically depressed or that is Bipolar. Please feel free to write to me. I’ll help you in anyway that I can.

  
  

  As for what does absolutely no help, I will address that in just a bit, maybe today, or I might address that tomorrow.

  • 1:21 pm
  • 4 Comments