October 1, 2002

• Today has not been a good day. First I lost track of time and didn’t leave the house until 40 minutes before my appointment and it is 14 miles from my home. I make it in about 30 normally.
  

  Got half way and there was a wreck that the police and firemen were cleaning up. Sat there for 20 minutes and finally got up far enough to turn around safely and went back and took the back roads in and I was on E in the gas department… was going to make a pit stop on the way, but that was shagged.
  

  Got there 5 minutes late.
  

  During my appointment I found out that my pdoc definitely believes the following:
  

  I’m Bipolar I
  I suffer with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… I think that is what he called it)
  I have borderline personality problems
  I am/have OCD (Obsessive/Compulsion Disorder)
  

  So the treatment plan? Get stable on the meds for the Bipolar first… may be adding in lithium in two weeks… we’ll see, then deal with the other things and get me in with a tdoc on a more routine basis.
  

  I can deal with that treatment plan. He told me to keep getting things out by writing like I do. He said it was good for me and he also said that he didn’t think I read too much, which I thought I did because it never fails, I always have questions for him over something I have read in the two weeks between my appointments. But ya know what he told me? He said, and I quote, “You’re smart and you’re curious… that’s who you are. I want to help you get stable so you can start living like you again.”
  

  I thought that was pretty sweet of him. He, too, read my cornerstone story. I don’t know if that is where he got that I’m smart or not.
  

  I am very involved in my treatment plan. I ask questions. I do research and I like to have things I don’t understand explained to me so that I do understand what’s going on. I want to know where we’re going in my treatment… I want to know that I am on that road to wellness.
  Ya know?

  
  

  On the way home I stopped in at LifeTouch to let my ex-boss know that Dr. J wouldn’t sign off on me going back to work, even part-time. He said I wasn’t stable enough to return to work and didn’t know when I would be, if ever. That is a scary thought for me. But I suppose I will just have to become a published writer, eh? That way I can work at home on my own time. Right?

  
  

  Dr. J asked me to trust him with this and I do. No working outside the home for me until further notice. *sigh* Its funny how you take that kind of news once it becomes concrete for you.

  
  

  Well, I’m starting to ramble. Maybe I will return to the page later tonight.

  • 7:45 pm
  • 3 Comments